


Girl Gone

by PearlHavoc



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Disappearance AU, F/F, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, This started in a gone girl direction but ended up somewhere else
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-22 02:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9578462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PearlHavoc/pseuds/PearlHavoc
Summary: Girl meets GirlGirl loses GirlGirl searches for GirlEmma moves to Storybrooke for a new foster home placement, fully expecting to hate it. She does, but she meets Regina and the two have far more in common than expected. After graduation Regina disappears into thin air. Years later Emma tries to find out what happened to her.





	1. Body

The peaceful morning after graduation is destroyed by a single knock. Emma and David are sleeping in after the long night. Neal, ever the early riser, started having a tantrum early and Mary Margaret was feeding him. She thought about putting out bacon and pancakes for the Saturday morn but then she hears the knock and answers with the baby on her hip. She sees Sheriff Graham and one of his deputies standing in her doorway. Faces gaunt and eyebrows knit together.

 

“Is your daughter around? We need to talk to her,” Graham asks, all business.

 

“She’s asleep upstairs,” Mary Margaret responds, “Why? Is something wrong? Has something happened?” she asks with increasing panic.

 

“We received a call this morning from Mrs. Cora Mills that her daughter never came home last night, she pointed us here.”

 

“Regina spends the night here sometimes, but we thought she went home last night,” it comes out more a question than a statement, “Why don’t you come inside so I can think for a second,” Mary Margaret says putting her hand to her head. The officers make a ruckus coming inside. They settle at the kitchen table is a similar manner.

 

David finally comes down the stairs, having been woken by the noise. “Morning Graham, do you need me for something?” He asks wiping the sleep from his eyes, completely misreading the situation.

 

“No, actually we need to speak with your daughter.”

 

“Did she do something wrong? Because she was with us all last night,” David says, automatically awake and defensive. 

 

“Emma’s not in any trouble, we just need to ask her a couple questions.”

 

“Regina never came home last night,” Mary Margaret answers his next question.

 

“Have you started searching for her yet?” He asks meekly.

 

“We have people out looking for her, but there’s no sign of her, or her car,” Graham says, cool as a cucumber, “It’s pertinent to our investigation that we cover as many bases as possible as quickly as possible.”

 

David tentatively sits across from Graham, the lines between boss and employee beginning to blur beyond recognition. “You’ve never given a damn about Regina,” something inside him snaps and David has to stop himself from growling, “Why start now? Why do you always start after something bad has already happened? Why didn’t you start after Cora threw her out in the middle of winter? Why couldn’t someone start giving a shit about her before something like this happened! It’s always too little too late!” David slams his fist down on the table at his own declaration—the force shakes the coffee cups and the split liquid lazily rolls off the table. No one makes a move to stop it. It’s the most confrontational Graham has ever seen him. The last statement is all-encompassing; none are excluded from its judgment.

 

Emma finally comes down the stairs after hearing the commotion. She’s wearing her ratty old pajamas, with last night’s makeup still smeared on her face, and her hair's a mess. She finds two officers and her parents sitting at their kitchen table. She looks around the room, trying to figure out what’s going on. Her father’s face is contorted into an uncharacteristic scowl. Mary Margaret looks stricken. The two officers are as solemn as a funeral. It’s only then that she realizes that something is very  _ very _ wrong.

 

“What happened? You all look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Emma is almost laughing; although she’s not sure what exactly is so funny.

 

“Regina’s gone,” Graham says with the grace of a chainsaw and everything starts to fall apart.

 

-

 

The police want to question her, naturally, she’s the person closest to Regina, besides Cora of course. Her parents aren’t allowed to come with her or listen in so it’s just her and the Sheriff in the investigation room. In the past, the only time she’d been in this room was when David showed her around. She remembers that the leftmost wall is a two-way mirror and wonders who’s behind it this time.  

 

Graham sits across from her at the steel table with an equally steely glare, “When was the last time you saw Ms. Mills?” Emma can only sit and fidgets under his gaze.

 

“Last night at the graduation ceremony,” Emma responds, struggling to process, “What happened exactly?” She asks even more nervous.

 

“This morning we received a call from Cora Mills stating that her daughter never came home from the graduation ceremony, technically we can’t declare Ms. Mills missing until 48 hours have passed but because this is so unusual we’ve agreed to look into it.”

 

Emma’s frown only deepens as he goes one, “So now you want to look into Regina’s life,” it’s said with the same level of bitterness as of one of Regina’s kale salads.

 

“You’re more like your father than you realize,” it’s a blatant and blanket statement, but there is barely a pause between the accusation and the next question “What is your relationship to Ms. Mills?”

 

“It’s complicated,” Emma avoids the question, not wishing to disclose her personal life to her father’s boss.

 

“Please answer the question, Emma.”

 

“She’s my best friend,” she pauses, considers the consequences, then adds in a low murmur “she’s my girlfriend,” the admission itself feels like a breach of trust.

 

She knows that Graham heard her, but he continues on as if she didn’t just drop the biggest gossip bomb that Storybrooke had had in years.”Can you think of any reason or motive someone would have for kidnapping Regina?”

 

“Why do you think that Regina was kidnapped?” Emma asks in a sudden panic, her fists curl into themselves. For a second all Emma can think of is Regina handcuffed to a radiator somewhere waiting  _ hoping _ for someone to find her. She forces herself to push the idea to the back of her mind when Graham starts talking again.

 

“Calm down, we don’t know anything yet,” he says in the placating police way, trying to keep Emma from having a panic attack, it’s not comforting in the least but she appreciates the offer. He adds “It’s the most logical explanation we can come up with right now,” he says it starting at his hands rather than daring to meet Emma’s eyes and it puts her on edge. “When Henry died he left everything to her, she’s well known enough that she’d draw decent media attention, she’s attractive enough that people would actually care,” Graham lists these things off as if he had the police protocol in front of him, “She’d have been a prime target for kidnappers, if that’s the case it at least means that she’s alive,” he adds after a moment, “if that’s the case we can expect a ransom notice within the next couple days.” There is little emotion in the words he spews at her and Emma can’t help but resent him for that. “Maybe we’re jumping the gun, she may not have disappeared at all, she could be back within the day,” he says that last bit halfway between relief and early exhaustion. The last declaration is most emotion Emma’s seen out of the Sheriff the whole interview.

 

On that last note, Emma almost sighs with relief, maybe Regina isn’t missing at all, maybe all of this will blow over.  _ It isn’t going to blow over she’s not coming back. _ The voice in the back of her head nags her. “Did you start your investigation prematurely?” Her sarcasm is biting, attempting to hide the growing panic in the pit of her stomach.

 

“Perhaps, but we need to make sure we’re covering all of our bases.” his gut tells him that something is amiss but there’s no evidence to suggest otherwise. “Do you have any other ideas about what might have happened?” It’s not even noon and the day is already dragging him down.

 

“Regina wouldn’t take some spontaneous trip and not tell anyone, she’s not that kind of person,” Graham looks at her funny but appears to take her word for it. “Maybe she ran away,” Emma is half joking and half hoping it's the truth. Regina running away makes sense, but Emma can’t help but think of it as uncharacteristic. Graham takes some notes down but doesn’t comment.

 

“Did Regina spend the night often?” Emma shoots him a glare at the directness of the question. He has the decency to look sheepish and amends,“Did she spend the night with your family often?”

 

“She’d spend the night when things get bad,” she leaves it vague, Regina was never one for sharing, and Emma won’t divulge her secrets. 

 

“Was this often?”

 

“You know it was,” Emma sneers at him and the interview is over.

 

-

 

The required 48 hours pass with no news. But they start the searches long before that. Everyone is worried. Which, Emma figures, is a first for everyone. They start at the town line closest to the high school and comb their way across Storybrooke. The police’s dogs managed to pick up a scent, but manage to lose it just as quickly.

 

Their searches turn up nothing. No sign of Regina, her Benz or anything else that is even remotely useful to the case. Cora allows the police to search Regina’s things but nothing screams  _ suspicion _ . Instead, all it screams is  _ something is wrong but you’ll never be able to find out what _ . The room is immaculate, which is exactly how it always is. They still dust the whole room and turn up nothing suspicious. The only prints they find are Regina’s.

 

The search parties comb the town over and over again and turn up nothing. Emma would know, she had walked from one end of the town to the other more times than she cares to remember. The searches continue on, slowly losing momentum as the weeks go on. The trail only gets colder from there.

 

-

 

Weeks after graduation, on a now rare family outing, they run into Dr. Hopper. Emma knew that Regina went to therapy occasionally, Cora sent her there for her ‘delusions of grandeur’— or as Emma calls them ‘incidents of child abuse’. He mentions that the police have been questioning him nonstop about Regina’s sessions— apparently, therapist-patient confidentiality goes out the window when you officially go missing. David has the decency to look embarrassed. He invites her back to his office “If you need someone to talk to please come by,” Mary Margaret says that she’ll be over after lunch. So after a somber lunch, her mom drops her off at Archie’s.

 

“How are you doing Emma?” Archie asks her sincerely.

 

“My best friend goes missing and that’s the best you can come up with?” Emma deadpanned.

 

“Right,” Archie says, almost embarrassed by his choice of words.

 

“How are  _ you _ , Dr. Hopper?” Emma counters.

 

“There’s a girl missing and the police dragged me out of my home so I could break doctor-patient confidentially, so I’ve had better mornings,” Archie joked. Emma just stared at him as if he had grown a second head. “Did Regina mention anything to you in the weeks leading up to her disappearance?” Archie asked, trying to change the subject.

 

“No, she seemed fine, nervous about her speech, but fine,” Emma says, still piecing together the narrative herself.

 

“What do you think happened?”

 

“The police said she was probably kidnapped but I think it’s more likely that she ran away,” the statement is made with apprehension, as if saying it would make it so, “I always thought that I’d be the one to run away, you know?” Emma paused, grasping for the words that would only come out wrong, “I mean, I’ve bounced around the East Coast for as long as I can remember and I’ve thought about running away more time than I can count, but I never did it, before I don’t know what stopped me,” Emma stopped, no longer sure where her words were taking her.

 

“Why do you think that Regina ran away?”

 

“Cora is a monster and Regina would defend her no matter what happened,” Emma spat out bitterly, “I’ve had lots of bad foster homes but my social worker would always pull me out before it got too bad, Regina lived with that here entire life,” Emma pauses, ”I would have run away too” she says with finality.

 

“Earlier you said that Regina was your best friend, have you had a lot of friends in the past?”

 

“If you’ve moved around as much as I have you don’t make connections easily, Regina was the exception.”

 

“But Regina wasn’t just your friend, was she?” Archie asked her knowingly. Emma flushes but doesn’t answer the question.

 

“When I came here Regina is what kept me here, we were too much alike for me to just ignore what was happening, to her, she was— she  _ is _ ” Emma corrects herself, ”the only person I’ve met that really understands me.”

 

“What about your parents?”

 

“Mary Margaret and David are nice and all but they can’t erase the first fifteen years that I spent without them,” years of resentment that she thought she was past bubble to the surface, “Who gives up a child then takes it back fifteen years later?”

 

“Parents want to protect their children, it’s only natural,” Emma knows that she hasn’t heard that saying before, but it sounds so familiar that it makes her stomach churn.  Although in past experiences what parents were protecting their children from was  _ her _ .  _ Stay away from her. Emma’s a nice girl but she’s too much for us right now. We don’t want her rubbing off on our other children. She’s a bad influence. _

 

“Never in my experiences,” she lets out a deep breath she didn’t know she had been holding.

 

“What do you mean by that Emma?” Archie presses.

 

“Cora,” she spits the name out like poison, “everyone knew what kind of person she was—what kind of a mother she was and no one gave a damn,” it’s said flatly, but with so much emotion Archie feels himself flinch. He jots down a note and feels Emma’s glare on him.

 

“Cora holds more influence that you realize,” it doesn’t sway Emma in the least, but he continues anyways “Cora’s company owns majority stock in both the mining company and the Cannery, they employ most of  Storybrooke, when given the choice it was easy for people to choose their own livelihoods over Regina’s safety and health,” it comes out colder than he wanted it to, but it had to be said.

 

“That doesn’t make it any more right.”

 

“That’s true,” he concedes, then takes a deep breath, preparing himself for what he is about to say, “when you get older maybe you’ll realize that adults are just as selfish as their children, sometimes they’re better at hiding it and sometimes they’re not,”Archie doesn’t really sound like a therapist anymore. He’s the most honest an adult has been to her the entire investigation.

 

Their conversation stalls then makes a hard left.

 

“Have you thought about your future? Do you have any plans for college or a vocational school?” Archie changes the topic to try and end on a better note.

 

“I got accepted into the University of Maine and a couple other colleges, but I’ve been thinking about deferring for year or so, maybe figure out if I want to go to college, but money’s not really an issue,” she clarifies, “Leopold agreed to pay for college,” It was the first thing that her maternal grandfather had ever done for her, and would probably be the last. Leopold favored Neal, Emma was just the awkward blemish on their family name. Despite this Emma still appreciated the free college. She and Regina had talked about college extensively leading up to graduation. Regina had been accepted into all eight Ivy League schools, UCLA, the University of Michigan and Carnegie Mellon. In other words, she had just barely met all of Cora’s expectations. Regina had favored UCLA or Michigan if only to get further away from her mother. But Cora had already decided that Regina would be attending Harvard. Which made thing easier for Emma. Every college that had accepted her was within driving range of Cambridge. It’s the least of her worries now.

 

-

 

It’s almost the end of August and the searches have all but stopped. Then one morning the sheriff’s department gets a call from another precinct a couple states away and everything goes wrong all over again.

 

They find Regina’s Benz in the bottom of a lake, hundreds of miles away. Forensics find enough blood in the driver's seat to close Regina’s case. Emma blacks out for a couple weeks after that. Photos of the crime scene gather dust on her desk. The first day she just lays in bed sobbing. The days after that she stays in bed, trying to remember what their last conversation was about. The last time that Regina had stayed over she forgot her red scarf, Emma clings to it like an old baby blanket. The official police report has declared her dead in absentia. There’s no body and no funeral. Cora outright refuses to plan a funeral—from what Emma had heard through the grapevine is that Cora still believes Regina to be alive. They talk about stages of grief and outright denial but Emma still holds out hope that Regina is still alive. Which is denial in it's barest definition.

 

The school holds a little memorial service in the gym, the turnout is huge, especially considering how many people didn’t like Regina. They ask her to speak but Emma can’t really bring herself to articulate her grief for an audience. She writes a speech anyways and keeps it in the front pocket of her jeans for months after. The ceremony is nice and all, but Emma secretly thinks that Regina would have hated it. The colors are all wrong and Regina fucking hates sunflowers.  _ Hated sunflowers _ she thinks bitterly. They get some of the teachers to speak instead; they talk of her volunteering, her bright academic standing and endless other shit that you could read off her ten-page resume. And Emma just sits there silently seething. All these people decide to finally start caring about her when she’s past the point of help.

 

She tells Archie about the speech but refuses to read it for him. He tells her that it would help her heal and she tells him to shove it.

 

It’s mid-October when she breaks out her favorite red leather jacket; Regina always said that she hated it, but Emma had once caught her curled up in it. The last time she wore it was the chilly June night of Graduation. Rummaging through the pockets she finds a crisp notecard that she knows she didn’t put there. It’s a mess of Regina’s normally perfect script that only reads ‘ _ I’m sorry _ ’ and Emma just wants to break down all over again.

 

Emma moves away for college. She needs to get away from Storybrooke more than anything and  _ hell _ she’s not paying for it.

 

It’s another couple months, her first visit home, that she finally goes to the police with the note. They look into it, but it’s not enough to reopen Regina’s case and Emma can’t help but be disappointed.

 

Some days she hopes for closure and some days she hopes for a miracle. Either way, she still misses Regina and Emma doesn't know if the feeling will ever stop.

 


	2. Beginning

Emma moves to Storybrooke when she’s fifteen. Her last foster family though that she was too much of a handful. Repeatedly stealing from the local gas station probably didn't help either. Her new foster parents are Mary Margaret Blanchard and David Nolan. Young, barely in their thirties, high school sweethearts, no kids, no previous foster experience. Jenn, her social worker, says that when they heard about her they immediately wanted to foster her; which sound sketchy as hell to Emma, but she’s probably been to weirder families. David and Mary Margaret seem like a nice enough couple on paper, but Emma can’t really imagine them lasting too long. They’ll probably get pregnant, or decide she’s too much of a handful within a couple months, or both. Jenn tells her to try and be optimistic. Emma sticks her tongue out like a five-year-old in response.

 

Jenn drives her further north than she’s ever been. Storybrooke Maine, it’s not on the maps in the gas station and barely comes up when you google it. For the entirety of the second half of the trip, Emma thinks that Jenn is just taking her into the woods so she can murder her. The feeling only stops when she sees the ‘Welcome to Storybrooke’ sign.

 

From what Emma can see through the windows Storybrooke is quaint town. Not a lot going on. Like ever. _It’s probably one of those places where people know everything about each other and greet each other on the street_ Emma cringes with the thought.

 

“We’re so excited to meet you Emma!” Mary Margaret exclaims as she and Jenn walk through the door of their apartment. She’s about the same height as Emma, with her dark hair in a pixie cut. For someone who’s only supposed to be 33, she dresses like she’s about 60. She pulls Emma into a tight and awkward hug.

 

“We really are Emma,” the other occupant offers her his hand. David is tall with sandy blonde hair, dressed in jeans and plaid. He has a goofy smile that Emma can’t help but like. So she shakes his hand without trying to crush it.

 

They talk to Jenn about the basics of their arrangement, a speech that Emma has heard far too often, and then Jenn is handing over her card and is out the door and back to civilization.

 

Mary Margaret shows her around the apartment; it’s much larger than Emma expects an elementary school teacher and a deputy would be able to afford. She tells Emma to feel free to ask either of them if she has any questions. Emma has her own room and decides that it probably wouldn’t be the worst couple of months she's spent somewhere. There’s talk of going out to dinner after she gets settled but Emma’s not really listening because she’s already flopped down on the bed. Mary Margaret takes the hint and leaves her alone. After unpacking her meager belongings they head to the local dinner.

 

_Granny’s_ , as it turns out, makes the best grilled cheese Emma has had on the entirety of the east coast. She can feel the eyes of the dinner patrons bore into the back of her skull while they eat. She shoots a couple of them a death glare, but there are too many and she eventually decides that it’s not worth it.

 

The next day the Nolan-Blanchard's take her shopping for new clothes and school supplies. And then it’s Monday and she has to start at a new school two weeks into the term.

 

“We know it’s not ideal but the paperwork took longer than we thought it would,” Mary Margaret offers while packing lunches for the family.

 

David drops off Mary Margaret at the elementary school before swinging by the high school for Emma. “Have a good day,” he waves, “call us if you need anything!” he adds right before she slams the door.

 

“I’ll call 911 if I need you!” Emma shouts with a mock salute as she turns towards the school.

 

-

 

Emma’s hiding out in the bathroom when she meets Regina. It’s her first day at a new school and she’s already done with these people. Emma went on a bathroom break in the beginning of first period and had zero plans on going back unless they send someone after her. She’s been in the bathroom all of five minutes when she sees a girl wearing far too nice clothing and heels so high that Emma can only imagine breaking her own neck in them walk in.

 

“Did they send you after me?” The girl turns to face her and that’s when Emma can see the black eye. It’s fresh and still throbbing by the looks of it.

 

“Please,” the girl scoffs, “There are better dogs to send after runaway students, I’m not Sydney.”

 

“Who the hell is that?” she tries to sound disinterested, but her curiosity betrays her.

 

“Stay in this bathroom too long and you’ll find out,” the girl sasses back.

 

“What happened to you?” Emma asks from her seat in the stall without a door.

“None of your business,” the girl replies curtly, whipping out a compact from her backpack and begins to apply makeup in a mechanical fashion. She’s pretty good at it too, Emma admits, you can barely see the bruise through the carefully layered foundation.

 

“You ought to tell someone who gave you that shiner,” Emma feels the need to say something, she’s been there, and bruises are one of the few things that get people’s attention.

 

The girl completely ignores her comment, “Which class are you bailing on?” she closes the compact and the sound reverberates throughout the empty bathroom, “I’ll walk you back, it’s not a good idea to make a bad impression on your first day,” the gesture is outwardly very nice, but Emma can read the snark beneath.

 

“Why do you care?” They meet eyes through the mirror.

 

“It would look bad if I left the new student alone in an unfamiliar place.” Brilliant white teeth in a cheshire smile offer her a just as brilliant lie.

 

“How did you know—”

 

She cuts Emma off, “It’s been the talk of the town for months that David and Mary Margaret were taking in a foster child,” she pauses then adds with a smirk “Although I was expecting you to be under ten,”  Emma flushes for a second then sticks her tongue out, “mentally under ten, I see”  Regina says after seeing her tongue, she pauses for a second then adds, “don’t be too surprised if people walk up to you on the street and ask you stupid questions.”

 

“I hate small towns,” Emma says, eternally irritated.

 

“Join the club.”

 

“Do you make a point of personally welcoming all the new students?”

 

“Only the ones that try to skip class in the bathroom,” the other girl makes a move to leave the bathroom, before she leaves she turns towards Emma and their eyes meet again “come along dear, much longer and they’ll actually send someone after you.” Emma feels defiant for a moment, but something that Jenn said about ‘not making waves’ echoes inside her head and she follows without comment. For a half second she can catch a smug smirk on the girl’s face but then it’s gone. It’s haughty and bitchy and really _really_ hot. Because even with the black eye the girl is still a bombshell and Emma wants to slap herself.

 

“What’s your name anyways?” Emma asks, following a few steps behind, hands deep in her pockets.

 

“It’s Regina,” the response is curt and concise.

 

“I’m Emma, Emma Swan.”

 

_Regina_ gives her teachers some complete bullshit story about how Emma got lost on the way to the bathroom. Which would be almost impossible considering that the bathroom is less than thirty feet from the classroom.  She’s kind of irritated that Regina’s story makes her sound like a complete idiot, but the teacher buys it, no questions asked. Regina, as it turns out, is that one student that the teachers trust without question.

 

In such a small school that it probably shouldn’t surprise her as much as it does to find that Regina is in four of her classes. She also finds out that the girl is the student body president among like forty other extra curricular activities . It’s utterly ridiculous.

Two periods later, when Emma makes a move to ask to use the bathroom again Regina just shoots her a look that makes her put her hand down immediately. Regina seems to have that effect on people.

 

David picks her up after school. Mary Margaret is staying late to supervise after school birdhouse making, or something equally ridiculous, Emma wasn’t entirely listening.

 

“How was your first day?” David asks her at the stop sign in front of the high school.

 

“Fine,” Emma says flatly, then adds to make him feel better “better than most.” David smiles at her amendment and lets the conversation fall into a comfortable silence.

 

-

 

They have gym together, because the school’s so goddamn small that there’s only two sections of a state required class. So over the course of her first couple weeks at Storybrooke High Emma gets a good glimpse of Regina’s back. It’s a nice view but that’s not really the point.

 

Her back is almost always bruised. Purple and yellow and blue and green splay across olive skin that probably doesn't get enough sunlight. Sometimes there are a lot; sometimes there just aren’t any new ones; sometimes they’re big and sometimes they’re small. But they're almost always present. Emma can’t help but think that it sounds like a Dr. Seuss book trying to explain child abuse.  Emma knows that she’s not the only one who notices them, the other girls that populate the too-crowded locker room will sneak glances just as often as she does, but no one ever comments on it.  

 

“What happened to you?” Emma finally broaches the topic at the beginning of week three.

 

“Is that all you can say? Is your vocabulary really so limited?” Regina says slipping her gym shirt over her head.

 

“I’m just making conversation,”  Emma says, trying to play it off.

 

“Ms. Swan you really need to learn to mind your own damn business,” Regina is curt and mechanical. Just like every other time that Emma has asked her about anything from the cafeteria schedule to how her day was going.

 

“I’m surprised you remembered my name,” although she’s almost more surprised by the fact that Ms. Regina Mills used foul language. Emma slips her own gym shirt over her head.

 

“Don’t flatter yourself, you’re the first new student we’ve had in years,” Regina smooths out the nonexistent wrinkles in her shirt, then adds “besides, I don’t have to escort every new student to class,” she smirks, “Why are you so interested in me Ms. Swan?” The question isn’t posed with the usual bite and that give Emma pause. It’s halfway between flirtation and a challenge. Although the two emotions tend to blend together at a certain point. The locker room is empty, no witnesses to whatever may come. Emma realizes that it was Regina’s attempt to lighten the mood. Offering Emma one last chance to steer their conversation in a different direction.

 

“You sound like you’re thirty when you call me Ms. Swan,” it’s Emma’s attempt to lighten the mood, “What can I say?” Emma shrugs, still in the tone of her last quip but her tone flattens out to a low whisper, “I know where marks like those come from,” Emma tries to articulate what she wants to _needs to_ say but can’t find the words. That is perhaps a testament to her previous foster homes.

 

“My mother is not a kind woman,” Regina offers the explanation as an end to Emma’s sentence. As if that’s really an answer. It’s that Regina really feels like telling a near-complete stranger, but something compels her to add “I’m fine, you don’t need to worry.”As if that would alleviate the other girl’s worries.

 

“If you’re going to keep talking to me you oughta know that I can tell when a person’s lying, it’s kind of my superpower,” Emma grins, despite the situation. Despite the familiar ache in her gut.

 

“Ever the humble one aren’t you?” Regina smirks back at her, and the mask slips if only for a moment.

 

“I try.” The silence that follows isn’t awkward, it rings of people that are far closer than they are.

 

“I don’t need you spreading any rumors around Ms. Swan, I hope I can count on your confidentiality,” Regina retreats back into the stone faced bitch that is all everyone else sees.

 

“If you’re asking me to keep this cat in the bag the least you could do is call me by my first name,” the conversation is far from over, but progress is progress. “It’s Emma.”

 

“Ok, Em-ma,” the way that Regina says her name borderlines on obscene,“ can I count on your discretion?” Regina offers her hand, equal parts future politician and an employee borderlining on a sexual harassment charge. It’s a tough combination for Emma to keep a straight face through, and she feels her ears burning in spite of herself. She takes the hand anyways. They’re both obscenely late for gym class, but it really doesn’t matter.

 

When Emma gets back to the apartment that day she tells Mary Margaret that she’s made a friend. She’s ecstatic of course and tells Emma to invite her friend over anytime. Emma doesn’t think that their at the sleepover stage yet, but she can’t help but hope.

 

-

 

Emma thinks that her foster parents are weird. Weird foster parents aren’t a new thing. She’s had plenty of them. What’s really strange is the looks. Mary Margaret always looks at her like she’s found something in her. What did she find? Emma wonders. David looks at her like she’s a flashlight in a dark basement. Which isn’t really a good metaphor, but Emma thinks it fits.

 

They get along well enough. Emma notices that Mary Margaret is hesitant to scold her for anything. She expects the shock of a first foster kid to wear off within a week but it doesn’t. She leaves her shoes in the middle of the entryway just to see what happens. Mary Margaret had told her several times before to not leave her shoes there. So when she trips over them while coming into the apartment Emma expects to be scolded or _something_. But Mary Margaret just smiles and reminds her to put her shoes in their proper place. Emma can’t really make sense of it.

 

When people pass them on the streets they stare openly. Emma's not sure it that's a Storybrooke thing or a Maine thing but it's very creepy. 

 

-

 

Regina and Emma spend a lot of time together for school. Mostly because they’ve been partnered up for every single project. No one wants the new girl as their partner. All friendships had already been long established, and there wasn’t room for Emma. Also apparently someone had spread the rumor that Emma was a delinquent. These rumors had a bit of truth in them, but Emma still chafed against them. People seem to actively avoid talking to Regina, so doing a project with her would probably be a stretch for most people. It was a match made in heaven.

 

Emma’s not a fan of talking about herself. It tends to breed pity and ruin whatever chances she had of pretending to be normal. _What was normal though?_ Telling people that you’ve had nearly a dozen foster families in fifteen years will do that.

 

Regina doesn’t pry, but she has this strange way of making Emma want to talk. One minute they’ll just be working on a project together and the next Emma will just start spilling her entire life story. She’s not sure how it happens, but it just _keeps_ _happening_.

 

“I had a foster mom that wanted to adopt me, I was with her for almost two years and she just snapped,” Emma remembers what happened in vivid technicolor. Ingrid was the perfect foster mother for a year and a half. Emma was her only charge and any time that wasn’t spent at work was spent with Emma. They were almost inseparable. Emma was closer to Ingrid than any other foster parent, ever. “One morning I woke up and went downstairs for breakfast and she had completely destroyed the kitchen,” Emma takes a breath to calm herself and try and articulate the memories she knows so well, “and then she just started screaming at me, how I was a devil child that didn’t deserve to be alive, and…” this is usually the part where people say _it wasn’t your fault_ or _how awful_ or _I’m so sorry_. Regina has the sense, and perhaps the experience, to not say anything. Which is exactly what Emma needs. Regina offers Emma her hand, and and soft smile. It’s a rare display of emotion that Emma is slow to realize is reserved only for her. Emma omits the part where Ingrid slams her against the wall and looks at her as if she might actually kill her before she completely breaks down. Maybe later Emma will tell her, but not yet. Emma remembers running out of the house as fast as her short legs can take her. Jenn finds her hiding out in the bathroom of the local 7-Eleven. “My social worker came to get me the same day and I was off to my next group home.” She doesn’t realize how tightly she’s holding Regina’s hand until the story is over. Regina doesn’t make her let go.

Regina doesn’t talk about herself unless directly asked. And even when directly asked she typically won’t respond or will ignore Emma outright. And the few moments when she does talk about herself, it sounds detached—like she’s talking about someone else. She gets this faraway look in her eyes and speaks as if no one is listening. Emma knows enough to listen without comment.

 

“My mother has had my life planned out since I was conceived, she has standards that I can never meet, and I don’t think I’ll ever be anything but a failure to her,” Emma thinks that Regina should sound devastated or angry, or _something_ , but it just comes she’s telling Emma that her goldfish died. Yes it was sad, but there are worse things going on.

 

They forge an unlikely bond. Student body president and former juvie candidate. Although, Emma is not entirely sure how Regina became president. To put it lightly, people are not really that fond of Regina. People are wary of Regina. And Emma really can’t understand why, yes, she can be kind of a bitch; she’s snarky and sarcastic and downright scary when the mood strikes her. But none of that seems to justify how very few people will actually interact with her. During passing periods people literally part like the red sea in order to not be in Regina’s way. As far as Emma can tell, she seems to be Regina’s only real friend. There’s Kathryn, but they just seem to hang around each other because they're neighbors, not really because of any real fondness for each other.

 

When Emma brings Regina home for the first time Mary Margaret does a double take but says nothing. She brings them freshly baked cookies while they study and Regina does a double take. Emma just thinks that the whole town is made up of weirdos.

 

“You and Mary Margaret know each other right?” Emma asks, trying to unwrap the confusing exchange she just witnessed.

 

“Everyone in Storybrooke knows each other Emma, that’s how small towns work,” Regina says with a smirk dancing across her lips.

 

“That’s not what I meant,” Emma fires back half-heartedly, she already knows where the conversation is going, and where it will inevitably end.  “Has she ever said anything …?” Emma trails off, despite wanting the answer more than anything.

 

“No one ever says anything of substance in this town, it’s not as if she’d have anything to say anyways,” Regina’s tone has dropped forty degrees at least. “Stay out of my business Miss Swan, you’ll live longer,” Regina is a picture of grace and nobility, even if she’s sitting on a poorly made quilt that Mary Margaret hand stitched. Her eyes are so dark and so dangerous that Emma almost believes her.

 

And then the conversation is over and Regina leaves shortly after. Emma gets up to help Mary Margaret set the table but in her mind she is still sitting on her bed, across from Regina, waiting for a real answer. Sometimes she doesn't think there is one.

 

The next day they meet up before school as if nothing happened. And maybe nothing did. Nothing was gained, and nothing was lost. Emma’s playing a game of Clue with just the revolver and the candlestick, Regina has all the other cards and is in no hurry to relinquish control of the game.

 

-

 

Emma’s had crushes before. None of them ended well. Many of them ended with her being kicked out of a perfectly okay foster home. Some of them just ended badly.

 

There was Neal, who was a much older friend of a much older foster brother. She was barely fourteen when he rolled into her life in a stolen car. They smoked and drank and almost did other things before he realized that he didn’t want to go to jail for those other things. They were still friends after that. Then one day he was just gone. And then it didn’t matter anyways because she was shipped off to her current foster home soon after. She doesn’t know what happened to him after that. There were several rumors about why disappeared. One was that he got busted for identity theft and that his real name wasn’t even Neal. Another said that he wanted to go straight and joined the military. Another still said that he was in jail for other crimes that got increasingly ridiculous the longer the story went one.  

 

There was Lily, who had almost everything Emma ever wanted and didn't want any of it. They met when Emma was staying with a wealthy but neglectful family in western Pennsylvania. Lily said that her parents were the same and they became fast friends. Two months into this friendship they ended up breaking into a summer cottage and camped out there for nearly two weeks. Obviously, they get caught. It’s a mess of police sirens and calls home that Emma can only remember in red and blue hues. Lily’s parents blamed everything on Emma and Lily agreed with them to avoid punishment. Her foster parents were livid and sent her back immediately. Emma’s not sure what happened to Lily afterward, and can’t really bring herself to care.

 

There were others too. But they made less of an impact.

 

Regina was something else. Regina was like being in a foreign country and seeing someone from back home. Emma knew that she was attracted to her from the moment they met. But she never really expected anything to come out of it, and she still wasn’t completely sure where she stood, but they were close. But Emma wasn’t sure if it was worth it to ruin both her chances of staying in a not terrible place and the only friendship that she’s ever maintained for longer than a couple months. So she just leaves it alone.

 

-

 

Regina never invited her over to her house. Emma was half convinced that Regina just lived at the school, with all the time that she spent there. But her clothes were too nice for that, the rational part of her brain reasoned.

 

They had known each other for over six months, and Emma still had no idea where Regina lived. This only changed because of the rain. Once Emma had lost her key to the apartment, the library had been closed and Granny’s had been packed. And then it started to rain. After much pestering from Emma, Regina leads them to 108 Mifflin Street. The large white mansion looms over them, and even without the torrential downpour, Emma thinks that the house would be terrifying.

 

“You live here?” She asks, dumbstruck as Regina roughly pulls her inside.

 

“Yes, now get inside before you catch your death.”

 

“Regina, dear, who is _this_?” an unknown voice greets them as they strip off their soaked outer layers. Emma’s eyes follow the sound of the voice to an older woman that resembles Regina too much to not be her mother.

 

“Hello mother, this is Emma Swan, she’s my lab partner for Chemistry, we have a project we need to work on,” Regina’s tone is flat. They are lab partners, but they finished their project last week. But she knows better than to correct her.

 

“Very well, be down for dinner at six sharp,” Cora turns away quickly, not bothering to offer Emma an invite.

 

Later when they’re safely in Regina’s room Emma breaches the subject “Is she always like that?”

 

“Yes,” Regina dismisses it without a second thought. Emma notices that when Regina is around Cora she shrinks, quite literally. She goes from being larger than life to barely visible.

They don’t actually have any homework to do, so they just sit in Regina’s tastefully decorated room and watch stupid videos on YouTube. Regina laughs more than usual, whether it be from the videos themselves or in sheer relief, Emma can’t tell. It’s a lovely sound though.

 

There’s a knock at the door and a man that could only be Regina’s father peeks through the doorway. Henry Mills is the opposite. He’s sweet and nurturing and loves Regina more like a parent should. Between the two of them, Emma can see how Regina came to be. She’s always wondered if Regina had anyone at home. Now she knows that she does, but it doesn’t ease the feeling in her gut.

 

Emma wonders, not for the first time, what it means to be a parent. Her own had left her in the care of the Swans. They probably wanted to giver her her best shot—at least that’s what Jenn always said when she brought it up. She wasn’t sure what to make of this because the Swans had given her back when they got pregnant with their own child. It was so long ago that Emma barely remembers. It was not so long ago that it still doesn’t hurt. Thus began a long string of shitty foster homes. Sometimes she was lucky enough to get a family that cared enough to feed and clothe her but not enough to get involved in her life. Sometimes she was just a means to free alcohol. Sometimes there were too many kids and not enough money. Ingrid was her own sometimes. Sometimes her families thought she was a bad influence on the other kids. Sometimes she was. Sometimes the foster dad liked to take out his frustrations on kids that weren’t his own. Never did she get a family like Regina’s.

 

Emma is snapped out of her reverie when Henry invites her to stay for dinner, probably fully knowing the reaction his wife would have. Emma can almost like him for that.

 

Dinner is terse, but the food is delicious. Cora spends the entirety of the meal asking Regina questions about her grades and extracurricular activities. Never really caring about the answers. She ignores Emma completely.

 

After dinner Regina sees her to the door, Mary Margaret had offered to pick her up and Emma was thankful to not have to walk home in the rain. She offers her a wave that knows it’s being watched.

 

Henry tells her to come back anytime. Cora shoots her a look that says _don’t come back._ _Ever_. Either way, Emma doesn’t come back again until everything has changed.

 

-

 

They’re actual friends now. Friends that hang out and talk about almost everything. Almost is the key word. Almost is the word that bothers Emma the most, the word that keeps her up at night remembering the week that Regina came to school with a definite and noticeable limp. That makes her remember how most of the gossip around the school was about how Regina was missing her signature heels. She remembers a knock at the door at nearly one in the morning. David was the one to answer the door, service gun in hand. She and Mary Margaret had hung back closer to the bedrooms. When he opened the door he found a gaunt looking Henry and Regina. Regina looked as if she had been dragged out of bed and thrown into the car. She looks as if she had been beaten too.

 

“Can Regina stay here?” The few times that Emma has met Henry she’s never seen him so desperate and defeated looking.

 

“Of course!” Mary Margaret answers for David who still stands dumbstruck in the doorway. She opens the door wide and ushers the two inside. She makes tea for the two guests, acting as if this situation is one that is normal enough to require tea. Emma moves across the room to grab Regina some frozen peas from the freezer. She offers them to Regina and she takes them without meeting her eyes.

 

“You and Regina can share right?” Mary Margaret asks taking the duffel bag from Henry. Emma nods and Mary Margaret takes the bag and scurries off to Emma’s room.

 

Regina’s hands shake as she drinks the tea. Emma sits next to her and takes the other hand. Their eyes meet for a millisecond before the brown ones dart away again.

 

The adults don’t talk about the circumstances that led them here. They talk about anything and everything else. But not that.

 

And not for the first time she thinks that Henry must be afraid of his wife. And not for the first time does she think that everyone else in this town must be as well. The thought sits at the bottom of her gut like she swallowed a rock. And she would know too, she swallowed an actual rock when she was four and a foster brother offered her a dollar for the act. It didn’t end well.

 

Henry thanks them profusely and leaves at nearly half-past two in the morning. Emma helps Regina settle into their now shared living space. She has to help her get undressed because there’s something definitely wrong with her arm. It’s not broken but it’s not moving correctly either. Despite how much she has seen before in locker rooms she tries to look as little as possible. It’s too intimate. The few times she has to open her eyes they are met with black and blue bruises and angry red marks. She doesn’t have to ask where they came from, she can read between the lines herself. They fit snugly into Emma’s double bed. There’s not much space between them and there’s even less when Emma wraps her arms around Regina in a tight hug. Regina lets her and they fall asleep spooning. They wake up a mess of limbs. Neither seems to mind though.

 

Regina is with them for nearly a week before Cora comes to collect her. Emma wants to scream and rage and _do something to stop this_ but Mary Margaret and David hand her over just as easily as they took her in. And Emma can’t remember feeling this betrayed.

 

Later, after the second or third time this happens, Emma wishes she felt as awful as she did the first time. Because it just got worse.

 

-

 

“Did you have Regina when she was in elementary school?” She and Mary Margaret are having one of their bonding days and it seems like as good a time as ever.

 

“I did actually,” Mary Margaret says rifling through some old records. The majority of Storybrooke’s stores seem perpetually stuck in the 80s. Emma’s CD player has been playing the same CD for months. “Actually I probably had everyone in your class for kindergarten,” she laughs at the boring reality of a small town. Emma does not.

 

“What was she like?”

 

“Quiet, but a sweet girl,” she pauses for a second, ”she didn’t really have any friends.” Then she holds up a dress from the 1950s, “Do you think I could pull this off?” Emma shoots her her best look that says _I have no idea and no real fashion sense_. She adds it to her pile of try ons. “She was close to a boy in Second Grade, his name was Dylan, or Damien or something like that…” Mary Margaret trails off, either in thought or looking at another dress, Emma’s not sure. “It was Daniel,” she says finally, the light bulb nearly visible over her head. “They were inseparable, then Daniel moved away suddenly in fifth grade,” she offers Emma a couple jackets and she takes them quickly in the hope that she will continue. “Regina was devastated, I remember they wrote to each other for a couple months then Daniel just stopped responding, and eventually Regina just gave up.”

 

“What happened?” Emma presses from across the clothing rack. Knowing that there has to be more to this story.

 

“His parents lost their jobs at the cannery and moved to find work, it happens all the time,” Mary Margaret says, leading Emma to the changing rooms.  


“But what actually happened?” Emma stands the tiny changing room now, debating whether it was actually worth it to try anything on. None of it really seemed like something she’d actually wear. She digs through the pile anyways and finds one thing she likes, it fits like it was made for her.

 

“Emma, you really don’t need to worry about Regina all the time, she can take care of herself,” even through cardboard thin walls Mary Margaret sounds like Jenn—nudging Emma to drop the unpleasant subject. Jenn took her out foster homes before for rocking the boat.

 

“Someone needs to worry about her, someone needs to actually give a shit about her for once and I seem to be the only candidate,” Emma says it so low that she’s not sure if Mary Margaret heard her.

 

“Find anything?” Mary Margaret asks her as she exits the changing room. She offers her the red leather jacket and puts everything else back on the rack. “I’ll get it for you, it suits you,” she takes the jacket and a few dresses from her own pile and walks up to the cash register. It doesn’t feel like much of a resolution.

 

She ends the day with a little more information, no actual answers and a brand new, slightly used, red leather jacket. Not the worst way to spend a day with your foster mother.

 

When she asks Regina about Daniel she just says that he doesn't matter and never did. 

 

-

 

“How do you like it?” Emma asks, modeling the new jacket. It hadn’t been cold enough to warrant wearing it, but the temperature finally dropped enough.

 

“It’s hideous,” Regina replies, barely looking up from her AP English textbook.

 

“You love it,” Emma says plopping down next to her. They’re more physically affectionate since that night. Even if Regina won’t talk about it.

 

“I really don’t.”

 

“Whatcha reading?” She drapes herself over Regina like a shawl, peering over her shoulder, trying to get a good look at the thing that holds her friend’s attention so well.

 

“Utter minutia, I have no idea how these stories get put into a textbook if they’re complete crap,” it’s been a good couple weeks, Cora’s been on an extended business trip and Regina is inwardly ecstatic.

 

“Sometimes I’m really glad I’m in the normal kids class,” Emma sighs and sinks her face further into Regina’s shoulder.

 

“Are you implying that I’m not normal Miss Swan?” Regina says in mock offense.

 

“Obviously not, no tenth grader takes five AP classes,” Emma smirks when she can practically feel Regina roll her eyes.

 

“ _Obviously_ ” Regina mimics back to her. She can’t see it but Emma knows that Regina’s smiling. Emma burrow back into her neck and inhales her shampoo like it’s oxygen.

 

-

 

She knows that people notice the bruises,  how could they not? Regina comes into school at least once a month looking like she lost a boxing match. But no one ever says anything. Her foster parents claim to not know anything. Even though David has seen Regina with black eyes and a bruised body before. Mary Margaret plays dumb. She calls Jenn once to ask about it and Jenn says the shit she always says _Don’t make waves Emma, there are two sides to every story, it would be too hard to convict someone, there’s no point._

 

Emma worries about her. Constantly. Emma hasn’t felt to helpless in _ages_. Not since she was ten and carrying a much younger foster sister to the hospital with a broken arm. But it’s hard to help someone who doesn't want help. And Regina won’t even admit that anything is wrong.

 

“Why won’t you do anything? Why do you just let her hurt you? How are you okay with this? How is anyone okay with this?” It comes out as a jumbled mess over fruit smoothies and milkshakes at Granny’s. She can feel the eyes on her as the rest of the Diner wonder if there will be an answer.

 

“My mother loves me, she only wants what’s best for me,” Regina says it with so much conviction that Emma wants to rip her own heart out of her chest just so she doesn’t have _feel_.

 

She finds that her lie detector doesn’t work on the lies you tell yourself.

 

-

 

She’s been in Storybrooke for over half a year and has managed to stay out of trouble. Frankly it’s a new record. Jenn thinks that this house may actually stick, but Emma is still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Although she’s no longer sure who’s holding the shoe.

 

A couple weeks before her first summer break in Storybrooke she finds out that she’s the one holding the shoe. One minute she’s sitting next to Regina, eating lunch, the next everything’s gone to shit. Emma figures it out as she’s tackling Sydney Glass to the ground and punching him until he apologizes to Regina. He doesn’t. She gets sent to the Principal’s office. He had to be sent home with a broken nose.

 

Mary Margaret is still at work when the incident occurred so David ends up coming for her.

 

He brushes past the secretary and just barges straight into the principal’s office. She’s sitting in one of the chairs not even bothering to look even a little bit guilty. Emma hadn’t had the pleasure of meeting the Principal when she first came to Storybrooke, she’s glad because he’s a fucking creep.

 

“Mr. Nolan, it's good to see you, now we can finally have a discussion on Emma’s behavior,” he clicks his pen a couple times then continues, “Miss Swan why don’t you tell Mr. Nolan what occurred during lunch today.”

 

“Sydney was harassing Regina and I put him in his place,” Emma says nonchalantly, spreading herself out on the uncomfortable furniture.

 

“Miss Swan neglected to mention that ‘putting him in his place’ included breaking Mr. Glass’ nose and virtually assaulting him” for half a second he smirks and Emma can’t help but wonder how much he’s enjoying this. Probably a lot, she reasons. “Miss Mills had to pull her off of Mr. Glass,” it’s only a precursor and Emma just waits for the rant that is sure to come. “Do you ever think about your actions Miss Swan? Yes, Mr. Glass made an inappropriate comment but you did not have to respond with violence. The school would have taken proper disciplinary actions and this could have been solved without this whole ordeal. Incidents like this haven’t bothered Miss Mills in the past, I don’t see why you felt the need to step in this time around,” he punctuates the last word with a pen click and more condescension than all of her past foster fathers combined.

 

That’s it. Emma stands up so abruptly that her chair topples to the ground. The noise is drowned out by the ugly 60’s carpet and Emma’s words. “Regina didn’t say that it bothered her because she lets people walk over her all the time! Her mother walks over her all the time and no one in this school gives a shit,” she’s seething with all of the things she can’t say and the battles she can’t fight, so she picks this one, “You want to get me in trouble for defending someone who refuses to defend themselves? Go ahead.” She challenges him and then falls silent, slumping back into an adjacent chair.

 

He does not _will not_ meet her challenge and instead turns his attention to David who, since his entrance, has been standing quietly leaning against the doorframe. “Mr. Nolan, do you have anything to say about this? As you probably know this is not her first offense, and will most likely not be her last, I would recommend calling her social worker immediately and  getting her as far away from you and your wife as possible.”

 

David finally rises to meet her gaze, she expects some form of disappointment or anger, but all she sees is pride. It’s weird. “I’m not calling anyone, Emma did nothing wrong, she was standing up for someone and I won't let you ruin her life over one incident,” he roughly shoves his business card into the other man’s hand, “Call me when you figure out an appropriate punishment,” he turns quickly and begins to exit, “Come on, Emma let’s get out of here.” Emma quickly stands up and follows him out. She catches a glimpse of Regina peering through the office window and she pretends that she has the decency to look sheepish, Regina offers her a rare smile and turns away quickly.

 

When they’re in the car, already driving away from the school, she broaches the topic “Did you mean what you said back there?”

 

“Of course I did Emma,” she knows that it’s not the whole story but it feels like enough for now.

 

When Mary Margaret gets off of work David lets her explain what happened. She stands with David’s decision and fusses over her bruised knuckles.

 

She ends up suspended for the rest of the week, but it’s definitely worth it.

 

-

 

Regina berates Emma the next time she sees her. It's in the hallway where everyone is watching and listening. But Emma can’t really take her seriously because the action is so un-Regina. Emma is proud that she knows Regina well enough to know when she’s purposely making a scene for the sake of everyone else. She doesn't think that anyone else knows her that well. They don’t sit together at lunch to keep up the charade. Gossip spreads like wildfire and people keep walking up to her in the hallways and asking if she’s okay. Sometimes she tells them she’s fine and sometimes she just tells people to shove it. It really depends on the person. It’s almost fun.

 

Regina corners her in the empty history classroom after school. She pushes Emma up against the world map on the far wall and for a second Emma thinks that Regina may actually hit her. But instead, she surges forward and kisses her. Emma freezes for a second then her brain finally catches back up and she kisses back. It feels like a long time coming and it feels so _right_.

 

And Emma guesses that they’re _something_ now. A something that kisses behind the bleachers before school starts and holds hands whenever no one is watching. And she thinks that that is enough.

 

-

 

Her first summer with the Blanchard-Nolan family is lovely for lack of better word. They spend almost an entire month in Minnesota with Mary Margaret's obscenely wealthy father. He’s kind of a creep and he skirts around her like she’s a ticking time bomb. Sometimes she catches Leopold staring at her as if she’s transparent or entirely too visible. He’s dating some girl that’s probably the same age as Mary Margaret; either a potential child bride or a future gold digger, maybe both. Emma can’t decide and doesn't really care. But the lakehouse is amazing so Emma manages to push the thoughts to the back of her mind.

 

When they get back Emma ends up taking a job at the local ice cream parlor _Any Given Sundae_. Which is probably one of worst names Emma has ever heard of on the entirety of the East Coast. The owner reminds her of one of her old foster moms, but she also pays two dollars over the minimum wage so Emma tells herself that she can ignore it for two months—she thinks she manages pretty well.

 

Regina was spending most of the summer with her father and his family in Puerto Rico. Emma is kind of embarrassed that she didn’t realize that Regina was half Puerto Rican. She’s met Henry before, she just never put two and two together. Regina comes back relaxed and tan. She mixes Spanish into her daily conversation when she first gets back but stops just as quickly. “Mother thinks that it’s unbecoming for me to speak Spanish,” she rolls her eyes, “she’d rather pass me off as completely white,” Regina bats her eyelashes like a southern belle and Emma can’t help but snicker, then she pulls her southern belle in for a kiss and they both forget what they were talking about.

 

Their last month of summer break Emma and Regina spend all their free time together. Mary Margaret uses the term ‘attached at the hip’. Which is archaic if accurate. They can’t go on actual dates because people would get suspicious, and if people got suspicious then someone would snitch to Cora. Instead, they do things that people who are just friends would do. They go to the beach and movies and get dinner at restaurants that don’t have a dress code. And it’s nice. Emma doesn’t tell Mary Margaret or David. Old foster homes have taught her enough about that.

 

The school year starts without incident and Emma feels as if she may have something of a home.

 

-

 

She’s sixteen when Mary Margaret and David drop the bombs. They are her actual parents. The ones who gave her up as a baby. It explains so much but so very little and Emma just wants to start screaming right there but that’s not the end of the news. They’re having another baby and they want to adopt her so they all can be one big happy family and Emma wants to puke. Before she can though the entire tale of a teenage pregnancy gone wrong spills out of Mary Margaret’s mouth. All Emma can do is sit there as still as a statue, waiting to wake up from this strange dream. She pinches herself under the table and she doesn’t wake up. Never has she wished so much that her lie detector would go off, that they were just bullshitting her. It doesn’t and she’s forced to face the truth.

 

Naturally, Emma’s first instinct is to run. She’s out the door with little more than ‘I gotta go’. Unnaturally, Emma’s instincts take her to 108 Mifflin Street. She climbs the trellis with some difficulty. She’s never done it before, but she’s thought enough about it to think that she should know how to do it. Regina is studying at her desk, she rises immediately when she sees Emma clamoring through her window. She doesn’t know what’s going on, but she just opens her arms for Emma.

 

“They want to adopt me,” Emma says, accepting Regina’s embrace.

 

”Shouldn't that be a good thing?” Regina asks, stroking Emma’s hair, not needing an answer.

 

“They’re having another baby,” Emma says numbly.

 

“Really going all out on this happy family deal aren’t they?” Regina murmurs into her hair, pulling her close before having her lie down on the bed. Emma rests her head in Regina’s lap and continues.

 

“I should be happy, this is all I’ve ever wanted, a family, but I’m just furious,” she pauses for a second just so she can breathe, “Mary Margaret got pregnant with me when she was sixteen, she and David were together and wanted to keep the baby, but her father found out and threatened to cut her off and they _just_ gave up on me,” On that last note Emma just wants to explode but she crumbles instead.

 

“You can’t know that for sure,” Regina automatically rationalizes.

 

“I _know_ , they told me,” the reply comes off more hollow than angry, “Mary Margaret gave birth to me in the first couple months into her Senior year, she and David drifted apart for a while but found their way back to each other during college, they regret it,” Emma adds to clarify, “but I don’t know if I can forgive them for the life I’ve had,” she feels herself on the borderline of hysterics, she sounds as if she’s reading a book report in front of the class.

 

“You don’t need to forgive them if you don’t want to,” Regina says, not entirely speaking of Emma’s situation.

 

“I do though? Don’t I? I want a relationship with my parents, but how can I have that if I can’t forgive them!”

 

Regina places her hands on either side of her face, “Emma, your parents love you, you don't have to forgive them until you’re ready, they’ll understand, they’ll understand if you never forgive them, but you have to acknowledge that they’re trying, they want to be part of your life, Emma, you don’t have to let them but they want to,” Emma tries to respond but finds her words failing her. Regina just holds her after that.

 

“Can I just stay here tonight? I’m not ready to go back yet,” Emma asks, eyes pleading.

 

“You’re lucky that my parents are at a conference this weekend,” Regina replies as she rises to find pajamas for Emma. Emma knows all too well how lucky she is, Cora is a malevolent jailer at best and Regina has never been able to break free, never tried is probably a better description. Regina offers her the guest room but Emma doesn't want to leave the safety of Regina’s presence.

 

Regina, in a show of affection that is reserved only for Emma, allows the other girl to crawl into bed with her. With a peck on the forehead, they settle down for the night. In the morning Emma finds herself wrapped in Regina’s embrace.

Regina drives her back the next morning. Emma later finds out the Regina texted Mary Margaret and David last night so they wouldn’t worry, or sent a search party after her, she’s pretty sure that either was a likely possibility. She makes a mental note to thank her later.

 

They’re waiting at the dining room table when she enters, ready to talk it out, _as a family_ she reminds herself as she takes a seat.

 

“I’m sorry I left, I needed some time to think about what you told me,” Emma starts but Mary Margaret cuts her off.

 

“No, we’re sorry, that was a lot to spring on you all at once,” Mary Margaret wrings her hands nervously, she takes a deep breath, “We should have told you earlier, but we didn’t know how to say something this big and it just came out with everything else, I know that that’s not an excuse but I wanted to say I was sorry for forcing all of this on you at once,” she finally raises her eyes to meet Emma’s, she realizes that they don’t have the same color, but Emma can see the same light in them. “We just want you to know that you can take as much time as you need, and whatever decision you make, we’ll support.” She doesn’t realize she’s crying until David walks over to wipe the tears from her face. It’s not everything that she needs to hear but it’s enough for now, and strangely Emma is okay with that. She lets them pull her into a family hug and it feels like everything will be okay.

 

She’s finally ready four months later. She doesn’t change her name. Even if her past was awful, it still what made her who she is, and she doesn’t want to let go of that.

 

-

 

Her baby brother is born at 3am on a Sunday morning after nearly eight hours of labor. He comes into the world bloody and screaming and perfect.

She holds the baby as if he will break, “Neal? Really?” Emma asks handing her brother back over to Mary Margaret. When she first heard the name she thinks back to _her_ Neal and everything that she was back when she was with him, who she was, and how much of a difference two years can make.

 

“Your father and I had an old friend named Neal,” she says taking the baby back, “He died over in Iraq, we thought it would be a nice way to honor him.”

 

“Is he from Storybrooke? Or did you meet him in college?”

 

“He was Mr. Gold’s son,” David says wistfully, “Right after he got the news is when he started to act like he is now,” his eyes don’t _won’t_ meet hers. Mr. Gold is a weird character in Storybrooke’s cast of eccentric locals. He runs the pawn shop, walks with a jeweled cane, and owns half the real estate in the town. He’s pretty much one white cat away from being a supervillain. Regina nearly chokes on her salad when she hears Emma say that. He’s a tad deranged and he creeps Emma out almost as much as Leopold does. That being said she doesn’t know him that well. Although she’s almost convinced that they're related somehow. Everyone in Storybrooke is related in some way or another. When she was younger Regina used to work at the pawn shop as an apprentice. She doesn’t elaborate past that and Emma wonders how a relationship like that got started in the first place.  

 

Regina shows up at the apartment a couple days after they come home from the hospital. She comes bearing gifts and stays for a couple days.

 

The first couple of months the whole household collectively loses weeks worth of sleep. A colicky baby will do that. Despite this Regina still spends some nights at the apartment. Neal adores her. So when he’s having a fit and Mary Margaret is practically in a coma David and Emma can rely on Regina to calm him down.

 

Having a baby brother is weird. He’s proof that she’s part of a real family now. Which is weirder. Even now they both look so alike that it would be impossible to deny a relationship. _She wonders if Mary Margaret and David felt the same way when they held him as when they held her. If they held her at all._ He offers her this gummy grin and Emma’s doubts melt away for a bit.

 

When it's finally spring they take the baby out for walks. Sometimes it's just her new family. Sometimes she and Regina take the stroller out as an excuse to just be together.

 

-

 

For the second summer, they go back to Minnesota, they spend over two months there. Leopold absolutely adores Neal. He tolerates Emma at best. Knowing what she knows now it makes a little more sense.

 

She doesn’t see Regina very much that summer. Regina spends a lot of her summer touring colleges with one or both of parents and working on an unspecified project. Emma often jokes that Regina works for the CIA or something. Regina doesn’t comment, so Emma can’t really rule it out. Neither of them has a cell phone so their communication mainly consists of Regina calling her grandfather's house from sketchy payphones late at night. Quick emails that sent whenever one of them has free time; which is Emma more often than not. Or Emma receiving postcards featuring the various college towns that Regina has been visiting.

 

“Hey, how’s it going at Stanford?

 

“We’re not at Stanford anymore we’re in Ann Arbor now,” Emma can imagine Regina rolling her eyes at this line.

 

“Well, how’s Ann Arbor then?”

 

“Mother isn’t super impressed with their national ranking in comparison to the Ivies, but she does like their law school,”

 

“Do you like anything about it?”

 

“I like that it’s like 15 hours away from my mother, does that count?”

 

“I think that’s the only thing that matters,” Regina laughs at this and Emma feels like she’s won something.

 

Most of their conversations go like this. They’re short and sweet and not much gets discussed. Sometimes there’s an edge to Regina’s voice and sometimes she sounds immensely relieved, but she never elaborates why. And for whatever reason Emma doesn’t pry, she wants to but she doesn’t. Maybe it’s because they already have so little time to talk and she doesn’t want to spend it fighting.

 

-

 

Senior year starts off with Regina forcing her to apply to college. She’s not completely opposed to the idea, but frankly, she just doesn't want to. Regina convinces her through a series of Bearclaw briberies and make-out sessions. After a while, Emma doesn’t mind so much.

 

They don’t really have a word for what they are to each other. And both of them are fine with that. They still hold hands whenever they can, the longer it goes on the more public it becomes. Their kissing is always secret though. Neither would mind telling other people that they’re together—if other people didn’t include Cora.

 

Cora had been more ‘even keel’ as of late. At least those are the words Regina uses to describe the phenomenon. Regina comes to school looking more like she just came off the runway than she comes to school looking like she lost a boxing match. And Emma can almost feel the school itself breathe a sigh of relief. She knows she does.

 

For her eighteenth birthday her parents get her a cell phone. It’s nothing fancy but it can at least send text messages. It also has Tetris, which Emma wastes hours of battery life on. She pesters Regina enough that she finally breaks down and buys a cell phone. Emma’s not sure why Regina didn’t have a cell phone before. She burst out laughing when Regina shows her what she bought. It’s a half step up from those burners you buy at the supermarket. It’s a flip phone that can receive texts but it can’t send them. It’s an imbalance that results in Emma sending Regina hundreds of annoying emojis and Regina calling her back angrily for wasting all her nonexistent data. Things feel normal, things feel fine, it doesn’t last long.

 

-

 

The temperatures drop far below freezing and the snow just won’t stop coming down. Granny said it doesn’t compare to the winter of 1969, but will still admit that it’s still bad.

 

It’s on one of those bad nights that David finds Regina wandering around town in freezing temperatures without a jacket. She recognizes David but is still very confused. Taking her to the police would only result in her being returned home, David knows, he’d done it at least once, so he takes her home. He places her in the back of the cruiser wrapped in as many blankets as he could find. There’s nowhere else for her to go really and he really doesn’t know what else to do.

 

Regina’s  pretty much dead weight by the time that they make it back to the apartment so David has to practically drag her up the stairs.

 

Emma tries to keep Regina awake on the couch while David and Mary Margaret Google what they can do for her.

 

“What happened?” Emma asks stroking her hair, their roles reversed now.

 

“Nothing, nothing happened,” Regina says still dazed.

 

“I’m not the police, you can tell me.”

 

“My mother,” Regina said simply, not willing to offer any other explanation.

 

“Please tell me,” Emma begs.

 

“She was upset with me, for something I did,” Emma’s not sure if Regina’s being vague because of the possible concussion or on purpose.

 

“What?” Regina clams up at this question. She sits up enough to sip the hot chocolate that Emma hastily threw together.

 

They end up taking her to the hospital, no amount of WebMD can help her at this point. The hospital is empty, it almost always is, which Emma supposes is a good thing. They admit Regina right away.

“Regina is showing some signs of hypothermia, but doesn’t appear to have any external or internal injuries” Dr. Whale said, checking off some boxes on his clipboard, not showing much concern for his patient. No one really does. Cora hadn’t hit her this time, she just kicked her out in the middle of a blizzard. Which apparently, in this town at least, doesn’t break any laws.

 

Regina’s in the hospital for a couple days then released into their care. Which, Emma is pretty sure is illegal. She stays through the new year, but she goes back before school starts. She still won’t tell Emma what really happened.

 

-

 

Prom is supposed to be this amazing and memorable and the highlight of your high school career. Emma supposes that it may count because her high school career wasn’t super memorable to begin with.

 

They’ve been extra careful since the blizzard. Regina won’t say it but Emma knows that it was because of her. Cora must’ve found out about them.

 

So Emma goes to prom with some guy from her biology class. His name is Killian and he constantly reeks of alcohol. She’s pretty sure he was held back at least twice. Maybe more, he’s really old to still be in high school. He ends up spiking the punch bowl twenty minutes into the dance, and the chaperones don’t notice until the bowl is long empty. That part is fun at least. What’s not fun is how often he tries to feel her up in the span of two hours.

 

Regina goes with a Cora-approved date. Emma’s not sure what his name is. He’s white and he’s got stubble. In all honesty, if he were in a police lineup, Emma probably wouldn't be able to pick him out. He’s that boring looking.

 

The dance itself really isn’t that memorable. The venue is a couple towns over, maybe because of that it’s way nicer and newer than any building in Storybrooke. Emma’s not an architecture buff but she’s pretty sure that all the buildings in Storybrooke were built before or during the 1980s. She’s never even seen a new construction in the area. The DJ is too loud and ignores any song request you give him. Half the kids have never had alcohol before so they’re all wasted after a second glass of punch. Which makes going to the bathrooms really fun.

 

Cora had gotten Regina a hotel room so she didn’t have to drive back after the dance. On the side, Emma wonders what kind of mother gets a hotel room for her kid knowing full well that their kid could have post-prom sex in that room. She can ignore that though because Regina ditches her date as soon as the dance is over and they have the hotel room to themselves.

 

What Emma does remember was falling asleep with a naked Regina in her arms. And waking up with a serious case of dry mouth, but that’s not as important. It’s probably a bad cliche to lose your virginity on prom night but Emma enjoys it anyways. It’s not as if they hadn’t shared a bed before; they’d done that far before they were even together. But it’s different this time. It’s kissing until both of them run out of breath. Holding each other. Laughing when Regina accidentally elbows Emma in the ribs. It’s tentative touches that rapidly grow into wandering hands. Emma, who can’t stop herself from smiling a wide dopey grin the whole night. It’s everything.

 

-

 

Regina had told her long before the rumors got around; Henry’s heart was rapidly deteriorating and probably didn’t have much time left. Heart conditions run on his side of the family, Regina neglects to comment if that includes her.

 

Henry takes a turn for the worse two weeks before graduation. Regina skips their last week of school to stay in the hospital with him. Under normal circumstances this would have kept her from walking at graduation, but those five days were literally the first absences Regina had had throughout high school, so the school administrators let it slide.

 

Emma makes a point of visiting them in the hospital after school whenever she can. Henry is courteous and friendly every time. _She wonders if it’s true that before you die all your mistakes flash before your eyes._ The look in his eyes when he stares at Regina tells Emma yes.

 

Emma gets a call in the middle of the night.

 

“He’s gone,” Emma doesn’t have to ask what this means.

 

“Where are you?” She asks already throwing on last night’s clothes.

 

“I’m still at the hospital, I just really don’t want to be alone right now,” Regina’s been crying, Through everything, Emma’s never seen her cry before. It’s unnerving. She takes the keys to the truck off the hook after hastily scribbling a note to her parents as to where she’s going.

 

She speeds the entire way to the hospital. Luckily she doesn’t get pulled over. Graham works the night shift more often than not but he mostly stays on the main streets, Emma knows enough about the routes to avoid him. She knows the way to Henry’s hospital room by heart. The body is long gone by the time she arrives.

 

“Hey,” Emma says tentatively.

 

“Hey,” Regina’s face is streaked with tears, Emma’s never seen her cry before.

 

“How are you?”

 

“How do you think?” Regina isn’t angry, she sounds completely defeated.

 

“You’re sad, and everything hurts,” Emma doesn’t know how to articulate grief.

 

“That seems like an understatement, I feel like everything has gone wrong, I hate everything and everyone, and I don't even know why I called you here,” Regina isn’t great at articulating grief either.

 

“Everything is shit, and you feel like you want to die, but more death won’t make things any better,” Emma finally remembers something useful from Jenn, “And you called me here because you know that you shouldn’t grieve alone.”

 

“Does it stop?”

 

“Maybe eventually, but not right now, and you don’t have to be better right away, maybe you’ll never be over it  and that’s okay.”

 

“When did you get so smart?”

 

“I don’t know, maybe you’ve worn off on me,” Emma smirks.

 

Regina smiles in spite of herself.  

 

She holds Regina in uncomfortable hospital furniture for the rest of the night and well into the morning. 

 

There isn’t an official funeral. The Mills’ hold a small private ceremony to mourn and bury Henry. No one hears anything more.

 

-

 

Graduation is a pompous affair. For a small town a graduation ceremony is one of the few non-holiday-related events worth celebrating. It's a small class, not even 50 people, but the gym is packed anyways. Regina is valedictorian because of course she is; because it isn’t enough for her to be student body president, captain of the debate team, dance committee chairman, equestrian team captain and about ten other things that Emma can’t bother to remember at this point.

 

In the chaos before the ceremony, they sneak off to see each other, if only for a second. Emma’s rich and terrible grandfather is coming in from Minnesota (she swears that Leopold could probably give Cora a run for her money in terms of snobbery) and Regina’s half-sister is coming in from England. Emma didn’t even know Regina had a half-sister.

 

“She’s from my mother’s previous marriage,” Regina elaborates when Emma cocks her head like a confused puppy.

 

“Are you two close?”

 

“Not at all, I didn’t even know she existed until I was almost fourteen, we don’t talk much” Emma’s lie detector pings a little, but she pushes it to the back of her mind.

 

“So why is she coming to your graduation?”

 

“Graduation is a strange event that brings your whole family together, even if they can’t stand each other,” Regina almost shrugs and Emma can’t help but laugh at how un-Regina the action is. She smiles at the thought that some of her mannerisms had rubbed off on Regina.

 

Under the bleachers, they exchange kisses and perhaps premature congratulations. Regina tells her “I love you, Emma, remember that,” and it feels out of place, but Emma just chalks it the emotional day they both are in for. Secretly she’s elated that Regina is finally able to say it.

 

It only makes sense later.

 

They file in in pairs, traditionally the pairs are supposed to be boy-girl but Regina had outright demanded that Emma be her walking partner, and no one really refused Regina. It's the only time that they've ever held hands in public. 

 

In the moment Regina gives her speech, it’s absolutely perfect. Later that night Emma will realize that she can barely remember any of it. Even later than that she finds out that no one had the foresight to record the graduation ceremony and the speech is forever lost to her, much like many things from this time. 

 

After graduation she only catches a glimpse of Regina, she’s surrounded by teachers, school board members and of course Cora. She offers Emma a brief smile before she’s already out of sight. Just as soon as she loses sight of Regina her family has finally fought its way through the crowds to her. Her mom wraps her in a hug that crushes the air right out of her. Her dad pats her on the shoulder awkwardly, then pulls her into a real hug. Up close, Emma can see that they both have been crying and she tears up a little herself at the sight. When she picks him up Neal offers her a toddler’s version of a congratulations and a sloppy kiss. She allows it because he looks adorable in his mini suit.

 

After over half an hour of being stuck in the school parking lot, they finally make it out. Leopold, who had kept his distance until now, had offered to take them all out to a nice dinner. Emma could never really say no to free food, even if it came from her creep of a grandfather. They drive to a ridiculously nice restaurant in a nearby town and have some of the best pasta Emma has ever tasted. When they finally head back to Storybrooke it's way past midnight and way past Neal’s bedtime. Before crawling into bed for the night Emma sends Regina a quick text. _Your speech was amazing, hope you had a good night, love you_

 

The night feels as perfect as a single moment can be. And then it’s gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took forever to write and got out of hand rather quickly


	3. Beget

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally done! This is the first thing I've ever finished

Regina wakes early the morning of graduation. She looks around the bedroom she’s lived in her entire life. Pictures of her family hang on the far wall. She can see pictures of trips to Puerto Rico with her father. A snapshot of visiting her sister in England. A candid photo of Emma that she had taken prom night. She supposes that losing all this is the price she would have to pay. Regina closes her eyes tight and lets her face relax. No expectations, no limitations. She imagines the expression she’s making looks rather strange on her face. Her mother had always scolded her on the stress lines that stretch across her face. She opens her eyes and then and there that it’s a good day to die. She doesn’t pack a bag; there’s no need for anything when you’re dead. She gets dressed and drives to the graduation practice.

Graduation practice goes off without a hitch. When she and Emma kiss she tries to memorize the feeling. Tries to memorize the way her heart skips a beat. She wonders how much a feeling can hurt you. She wonders if it matters.

Regina doesn’t tell Emma about the plan. There’s no need for her to worry about anything on a day that’s already so stressful.

The ceremony itself goes off without much problem. Her speech is well received, but she thinks that everyone will forget what she said by the next week. Regina thinks that it doesn't matter anyways.

Her mother is cordial to the school board. Regina couldn't care less about them, or anyone else at the ceremony.

When graduation is finally over and the parking lot is clear of all life, Regina leaves. Her fingers are sweatier than she expected they would be. She forces the key into the ignition anyways.

She heads down main street for the last time. Instead of turning right down Milfin Street she heads straight out of town.

You don't know what you've got till it's gone

Regina thinks whoever said that may be right. She speeds past the ‘Welcome to Storybrooke’ sign without another thought.

And that's the end of that.

-

Emma’s not sure if she ever stopped missing Regina. Maybe the sensation dulled over time but it never left her.

Regina’s dead. Regina’s dead, Regina’s dead. She says it over and over again like a mantra. Saying doesn’t make it seem true though. Doesn’t make it real. Her mom said once that as long as you remember someone they’re never really gone. It sounds like something you’d read in a condolence card but it helps her process.

She’s never been one for remembering. She remembers the important stuff. Most of her childhood is vague because she doesn’t want to remember it. Much of her later childhood is like that because of that too. She wishes she remembered more.

Emma is working in Boston when she gets the call. Working is a loose term; she’s in-between jobs and business is slow. Most of the time she consults with the police, but she takes on individual cases when it's convenient. Or when a case reminds her of Regina. The latter happens more often than she'll ever admit.

She likes her job quite a bit. During her first year of college, she considered social work as a possible career. She drops the idea after a short talk with Jenn. She considers becoming a police officer, but she doesn’t trust cops so that's not a great idea. She figures out that she’s good at finding people. All but one. She figures it's a way for her to honor Regina. Which is probably a weird way to pick a career, but it suits her just fine.

One fine day that existed between the end of fall and the onset of winter Emma gets a call. She contemplates letting shrill ring of her telephone go to voicemail but something compels her to pick it up.

“I heard you’re a private investigator now,” a silky and familiar voice is at the other end of the phone.

“Who is this?” Emma asks, ever suspicious. Hunting down criminals for a living will do that to you.

“You don’t remember? I’m insulted,” the silky voice mocks her from across the country. And suddenly Emma is standing in the ostentatious entryway of 108 Mifflin Street again. And Emma flashes back to a time she’d rather forget. A time she can’t forget. Of the worst family dinner, she’d ever attended.

“Cora” Emma spits out the name like it's poison.

“I see that high school diploma wasn’t wasted on you,” Cora says, smug as ever. Emma imagines that Cora pauses for dramatic effect, it makes her seem more like a cartoon villain and less of a real person. And then Emma can pretend that she’s less afraid of her, “I want you to look into Regina’s case.”

“That case closed a decade ago,” Emma says, trying to ignore the feeling stitches being ripped back open.

"I want you to reopen it.," Cora says it the same way Emma would say 'I want you to pick up my dog's shit.'

"You don't have the jurisdiction to do that," Emma responds, already anticipating the answer.

“You act as if the law applies to me,” her voice is almost playful and Emma can almost hear the resemblance between her and her daughter.

Emma wants to refuse, wants to tell Cora a few choice words and slam the phone down, but her curiosity wins out, so she says instead “I expect to be paid,” she can almost hear Cora crack a smile on the other side of the line. She listens with rapt attention.

-

She starts off by heading back to Storybrooke. Her parents are glad to see her, and so is her not so little brother. Emma doesn’t make a point of visiting home too often. There’s both too much and too little for her back there.

“It’s so good to see you, Emma!” Her mother shouts as she walks through the door of the farmhouse. Her family had bought an actual house around Emma’s sophomore year in college. Emma didn't have a say in the matter, but now she doesn't have to share a room with Neal when she comes home. So that's good at least. Her parents were imprudent in their decision about the house. Only afterward does her father find an unusual and unexpected love for farming. Emma thinks it's hilarious that a grown man loves chasing chickens so much. The house is cozy yet unfamiliar. Emma can’t place her finger on it and doesn’t try to.

Emma starts her search at the old Mills mansion. Cora still owns the property but lives elsewhere. Emma's not sure where elsewhere is. Cora doesn't disclose her location but sends checks and keys to a P. O. box in Storybrooke. It’s convenient if a bit creepy.

The mansion is immaculate as always, even if it hasn't been lived in for almost a decade. All the furniture's covered in sheets, all the photos placed and storage. A micro layer of dust covers every surface; so Emma guesses that someone comes and cleans regularly. She paws around the downstairs before quickly making her way up the stairs.

Regina’s room hasn’t changed in a decade. But the owner of the room was dead, so that was to be expected. Emma remembers She catches sight of a rare candid photo of herself hanging on the wall. Emma shoves the photo into her pocket with more force than necessary. Later she’s glad to discover that the photo survived without a crease.

“What was going through your head that day?” Emma asks, hoping that Regina can help her. She gets no response and leaves before the ghosts of the room catch her.

Cora’s office had always been a point of curiosity for her. Emma can’t tell if she’s excited or terrified to finally see what lies beyond the door. The room matches the rest of the interior of the house, all neutral colors, and hardwood floors.

She searches through every file that’s still in the office—which is not many, Cora probably took everything of importance when she left. All that’s left are old tax files and Regina’s awards from middle school. The tax files tell a long story, what Emma gets out of them is mostly what she already knew about the Mills family. Cora’s company-owned majority stock in many of the businesses in Storybrooke. Which is how much of Storybrooke justified letting Regina suffer. No matter how much time has passed Emma still finds the transgression unforgivable. Henry Mills had his own fortune, all of which was transferred to Regina upon his death. Upon her death, Emma supposes that the money would be transferred back to Cora, although she has no real proof. People thought that Cora had been the one to kill Regina, it was one of the favorite theories that floated around town for years after the event. Emma never bought into it though. In her own fucked up way, Cora had loved Regina. Then why would Cora pay Emma to look into the case of the person she killed?

At the end of the day, Emma leaves the mansion, not feeling as if she gained much ground in her investigation. She falls into a dark dreamless sleep.

-

There were a lot of holes in the investigation. Enough that Emma feels the need to go over the whole case file again. The first time she saw the file she poured over it until her eyes felt like they would fall out of her skull. Until Mary Margaret had to take the files away from her. She starts at the police station.

Storybrooke’s police station hasn’t changed much over the past decade. It’s the same ugly brick-wood combination that it was when she was in high school.

"Hey Graham," Emma tries to sound nonchalant but comes off irate. She gives a wave to try and keep up the charade.

"Hey Emma, long time no see," Graham misses the obvious cues and waves back. He offers her a smile, and Emma can’t help but hate him. And maybe she still blames him, it's not his fault but she blames him all the same. It shouldn't matter anymore, but it does.

There were rumors floating around the tiny town in the weeks after Regina's disappearance—so Emma tries to rule out all the plausible ones. The most prevalent one is the car theft theory. Maybe Regina's car was stolen the night of and it was someone else's blood in the car. Despite its popularity, Emma debunks it rather quickly. DNA had been taken from the car they dredged from the lake, it matched Regina’s exactly. Even if Regina’s car had been stolen she was still the one whose blood was inside it. So the car theory is dead in the water. No pun intended.

The other theory that even had the slightest possibility of being true was that Regina had been murdered in her car then dumped in the lake. This one is incredibly plausible. So much that Emma would rather not think about it. But, she reasons, Regina’s body would have definitely been discovered when they had dredged the lake. But the body would have been decomposed by the time they found the car. Emma doesn’t know anymore.

Emma leaves the Police station in desperate need of a drink.

-

Before she even makes it to the bar Emma runs into Mr. Gold. Despite the decade that had passed in between the last time Emma saw him he looked as if he hadn’t aged a day,

“Miss Swan, back in town I see,” he says leaning heavily on his cane, Emma can’t help but feel unnerved by his presence.

“Always a pleasure to see you Mr. Gold,” Emma forces out through clenched teeth.

“Word around town is that you’re looking into Regina’s case,” he smiles like a crocodile.

“Strange that you’ve heard that, I wasn’t exactly being sneaky was I?” she had been incredibly subtle, Mr. Gold was the very definition of nosy.

“I know everything that goes on in this town.” A statement that would surprise no one.

“Are you offering?”

“Only if you are willing to make a deal.”

“I don’t make deals with the devil.”

“I’m hardly the devil Miss Swan, the devil is hardly so equitable,“ he smiles, Emma doesn’t agree with the sentiment, but thinks the thought is hardly false, “Talk to Zelena, maybe she knows something.”

“Thank you.”

“Goodbye Miss Swan, I hope you find her,” he says it so quietly Emma doesn’t know what he said, then he turns and makes his exit. Only later does Emma realize what he said and much later does she understand what he meant. Despite the new lead, the conversation leaves a bad taste in her mouth.

She nixes the bar idea. Emma decides to retreat to her parent’s house and raid their liquor cabinet instead. The next morning she plans to call Cora to talk to her about her progress. Hoping that Cora is willing to finance a new lead.

-

She wakes the next morning with a terrible hangover, but a relatively clear mind. She tells her parents that she’s leaving, they’re disappointed, but make plans to visit Boston for the holidays in the coming months.

Before she leaves Storybrooke Emma stops by the cemetery. She stops by Game of Thorns and picks up the cheapest bouquet they sell. Henry Mills never had an official funeral but was eventually interned in the Mills mausoleum.

Emma’s not sure what makes her visit the grave, but something compels her to. The mausoleum clearly hasn’t been visited in years. Emma supposes that Cora doesn’t pay upkeep for the dead. The door is open and it’s worse inside. Spiders have made the mausoleum their home. 

She runs back to the convenience store and buys cleaning supplies; avoiding the gaze of the cashier that she went to high school with. She cleans the crypt out of sheer compulsion. The work makes her feel better. The chemicals burn her hands and makes the air in the mausoleum almost unbreathable. She relishes in the feeling, the pain, of the physical work.

She leaves the flowers on the now immaculate grave and drives out of town.

-

Cora returns her call quickly. She wires enough money into Emma’s account to cover the trip to London and sufficient hush money to get all the information she needs on the elusive Zelena Mills. Emma’s on a plane to London within the week.

Zelena Locksley (née Mills) has lived in England since Cora relinquished her parental rights when Zelena was four. She was raised by her father and her stepmother. Educated at Oxford, currently on maternity leave from her law firm. Emma can see the physical resemblance between mother and daughters. It’s in the curl of the hair, the jawline, and the glint in their eyes that a photograph just doesn’t do justice. That being said, Zelena and Regina don’t look that much alike. They look enough alike that Emma wouldn’t question that they were related.

The flight is long and boring and despite the fact that she’s in first class a kid still spends nearly ten hours kicking her seat.She crashes in the first hotel she finds, mentally composing herself for the task in the morning.

The next morning she makes her way to the address her informant procured for her.

"Hello, are you Zelena Mills?"

“And you are?”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“You didn’t answer mine.”

“I’m Emma Swan, and you’re Zelena Locksley, and I have some questions for you,” Emma doesn’t have a badge or anything so she hopes Zelena doesn’t think she’s crazy.

“And what would you like to know Miss Swan? I can’t say I’ve ever had the pleasure of making your acquaintance,” Zelena smiles and Emma can’t help but think of Regina, “I’m not opposed to talking to complete strangers, but I’d like to know your reasoning before I call the police,” Zelena says insolently.

“I was a friend of your sister Regina,” all the haughtiness disappears from her face in a second, “And I need to ask you what you know about her disappearance,” Emma sees a flash of something like fear in Zelena’s eyes, but it’s gone before Emma can get a good look at it.

“My sister died a decade ago, what more is there to know?” A tight smile graces her lips. Emma can spot the lie a mile away. Despite the other woman's clear reservations, she nevertheless leads Emma into the living room of her house. Emma relaxes into the far end of the couch and Zelena perches uncomfortably in an overstuffed armchair.

“I know this, but I’m just wondering what your version of the story is, as according to police records you were never interviewed.”

Zelena physically squirms under the scrutiny but says nothing.

“Regina told me that you were planning on flying into Storybrooke for her graduation, but no one saw you there.”

“Yes, I was planning on attending, but my flight was delayed due to an engine malfunction and I wasn’t able to attend, we were planning on rescheduling, but you remember what happened.”

“Were you and Regina close?”

“Not really, we barely knew each other, our mother made sure of that,” there’s bitterness in her voice that Emma recognizes all too easily, “Cora didn’t want Regina to know about her previous marriage or anything that happened because of it, she would much rather we had never spoken to each other.”

“And yet you were planning on attending her high school graduation,” Emma asks, genuinely curious.

“We were trying to bridge the gap,” Zelena says it candidly, so much so that Emma’s lie detector doesn't ping at all. “Regina, despite everything, believes in redemption, she’s always been like that.”

Emma notices the use of present tense, and maybe it’s nothing, but the way Zelena reacts makes her wonder. She tenses up immediately after the words leave her mouth, noting her own aberration.

“I’m sorry, I have to pick up my son at crèche, this interrogation is over,” Zelena stands up suddenly and attempts to usher Emma out of her house. Emma doesn’t mind.

“This is my card, call collect if you think of anything else,” Emma shoves the card into her hands before Zelena can refuse it and quickly makes her exodus.

She hired someone to tap Zelena’s phones for weeks after, she makes hundreds of calls, but none lead her to Regina. The closest leads her to a law firm in New York City, but no one there has ever heard of Regina Mills.

Emma packs her things and returns to Boston. Much like it did almost a decade ago trail runs cold. She tells Cora of her lack progress and unceremoniously quits. Cora doesn’t try to contact her again.

She’d made up her mind when she took the case that she wouldn’t tell Cora whatever she found out. Not that she found anything new out.

-

The next year Emma travels to New York City for vacation. Cora’s money may be dirty, but it rents her a nice hotel room in Brooklyn. She needs the time off.

Her first day there she takes the C train to Time Square. She wants to see what fuss is about. Her first impression is that there are a shit ton of people. The center of the world is apparently inhabited almost solely by tourists and creepy mascot costumes. She’s so distracted by all of that that she doesn’t notice the force of nature that crashes into her.

A mop of dark hair runs into her at top speed. It’s time square so she’s not entirely surprised, some tourists’ kid running amok in a new place, nothing new. The kid ends up on his butt after the collision. She offers him a hand to help him up, but he ignores the hand and helps himself up. The gesture reminds of something and she can’t stop her heart from aching.

“Hey kid, where are your parents?” Emma, taking a page from her mother’s book, lowers herself to his eye-level. She places her hand lightly on his shoulder to try and deter him from running. He’s barely past her knees, he wouldn’t be able to get too far.

“My mom said that I shouldn’t talk to strangers,” the boy says with way more articulation than any five year old should have.

“She sounds like a very smart person,” she tries to level with him,“Well my name is Emma and I just want to help you find your mother,” she offers the boy a handshake and he takes it tentatively. He avoids making eye contact though. “Where did you last see your mother?”

“We were looking at Disney store and I wanted to get a better look at the billboards and I got separated from her,” the kid is talking so fast Emma can barely understand him, “Mom’s going to be so mad I wandered off!” The kid starts to freak out and Emma hopes he doesn’t start crying because she doesn’t know how to comfort children.

“Don’t worry kid, your mom won’t be mad as long as you’re safe,” that's what her mom always said to Neal. It was something she wanted to hear when she was that age.

“Really?” The kid is sniffling, but coming around.

“Ok, so how about we head towards the Disney Store and try and find her?” She takes the kid’s hand and starts in the direction of the Disney Store. She hears shouting in the distance, but she can’t quite make out what the one voice among thousands is saying. Nor does she know why it is so important. The kid notices though and turns his head towards the one voice. Obviously seeing something that she can’t. He breaks out of her loose grip and runs.

“Hey kid come back!” Emma yells and sprints off after him. She loses sight of him for a second but finds him in the crowd again just in time to see him jump into his mother’s arms. Time slows down as the pair turns to face her.

Her eyes meet all too familiar brown ones and time stops.

“Regina?” Emma says, suddenly out of breath, not completely believing what she sees. Suddenly she’s shoving past tourists and costumed freaks to get a closer look.

The woman, Regina, looks just as shocked as her and Emma rushes towards the vision. Except the apparition doesn’t disappear. Ten years makes all the difference. Ten Years makes no difference. Emma’s sure of it, she would recognize Regina anywhere.

-

Before Emma makes a scene in the middle of Times Square, Regina drags her and her son into the nearest Starbucks.

“Regina, what the fuck? I went to your fucking funeral! Everyone we know thinks you’re dead!” Regina covers her son's ears and looks scandalized, Emma shoots her an apologizing look. Luckily the Starbucks is so busy that no one else cares about their conversation.

“I would appreciate it if you didn’t swear in front of my son Miss Swan,” Regina is the same as always. She’s totally different.

“Sorry, but we need to talk,” Regina nods in understanding, but waits for Emma to continue, “How did you do it?” It’s not the question she wants to ask but it seems like a good starting point.

“Before my father died he told me to run,” her son looks up at her with puppy dogs eyes and Regina looks fake exasperated for a second, then pulls a small paperback out of her purse, the boy snatches it up like candy, Emma smiles at the clear connection between the two. “Which is hard when your mother plans your every move, this was the only way I could think of to escape her completely,” Emma motions for her to elaborate, “I used my sister’s passport to get out of the country,” Regina offered her a small smile, “A box of red hair dye and I looked enough like my sister to trick the TSA into thinking Zelena Mills was leaving a country she never entered.”

“I would have loved to see you with red hair,” Emma notes wistfully, not ready to ask the questions that have been burning in her gut for a decade.

“It looked terrible, you would have hated it,” Regina responds, fingering her now much shorter locks. “Zelena told me that you were looking into my case, that should’ve made me more cautious, but I thought that you wouldn’t be able to find me,” she trails off, not sure how the story is best told.

“I didn’t find you, not really, I followed the trail to Zelena, but after that I hit a dead end,” Emma pauses, wondering how much Regina wants to know, “She said something that made me think that you might still be alive, but I had nowhere to go with it,” even in the crowded coffee chain it feels as if they are the only two people in the whole world, “I even tapped your sister’s phones, I thought she might call you, but nothing came of it,” Emma wonders if fate had finally decided to like her. It brought her back to Regina.

“Zelena doesn’t call me, it’s too risky, our communications are a bit harder to track,” she waves it off to make it seem like it was no big deal, but her expression makes Emma think that a lot of work went into their communications, “But I appreciate the efforts,” she smiles like there’s some inside joke between them, and there is. Faking your own death seems like hardly something to joke about, but they’re bound by it.

“I thought that you may be still out there, but I didn’t think I’d ever see you again,” Emma  
“And then I ran into your son.”

“Henry, his name’s Henry,” Regina smiles when she says it and smiles again when she sees Emma crack a small smile at the name.

Henry looked just enough like Regina that Emma wouldn’t question it if she said he was hers. But he looked different enough that Emma had to ask, “Is his father in the picture?” It’s still not the question that she wants to ask, but she wants to know anyway.

“No,” She says quickly enough that Emma holds onto a sliver of hope, “he’s adopted,” Regina explains, “He was in the foster system for a couple years before he ended up with me,” Regina pats Henry’s head affectionately, he leans into her instinctively, he puts his book down and curls into her side, “I figured if I couldn’t see you I could at least help others like you.” Emma smiles at the thought.

Emma will say later that it was bound to happen. Too much time had passed for them to just pick up as if nothing had happened. Regina will, in rare form, agree.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I could have helped you, I could have come with you!” For a second Emma thinks she’s done, but she just takes a deep breath and keeps going, “Why the fuck did you not trust me enough to tell me this?” Emma

“You’d waited so long for a family, did you really think that I would ask you to uproot yourself for me?” Regina says it like they hadn’t been everything to each other, long before they should know what that meant. We could have been a family hangs in the air, unspoken.

“My mother said that you were a distraction and that my life didn’t need any more distractions,” Emma knows what this means, she knows it too well. She remembers the rumors of Daniel. That he had tried to help Regina, that he had been willing to go against Cora. Daniel’s family had practically been run out of town. His parents had ‘mysteriously’ lost their jobs, and were unable to find anything else in town and had had to leave quickly.

“She threatened you like she threatened Daniel, and I wouldn’t let you and your family suffer because of me,” Regina sounds relieved to have finally said it.

Emma should feel some sort of relief, now that she finally knows, but she doesn’t, she just feels like something is over. Emma doesn’t know what kind of relationship they could have after this. Former best friends, former girlfriends, whatever else they could've been.

“Regina,” She tries to convey everything that she wants to say, but her words fail her.

“Emma, please don’t feel guilty for anything that happened, it wasn’t your fault, I just wanted to protect you from my mother, though I was the one who ended up hurting you,” Emma feels better, but only slightly, “I took some drastic measures, that maybe weren’t the right way to go about things, but I don’t regret any of it, I am sorry that you got hurt though.” Regina offers her a radiant smile and Emma returns it. And for a second it’s blinding.

They part ways. Regina takes her card with her personal phone number scribbled on the back but doesn’t offer Emma her own number. They don’t hug or even shake hands; Regina simply picks up her sleeping son and walks out of her life again.

-

Emma stays in New York. She says it’s because of work. Which is not completely untrue. People go missing in New York all the time. She tells her mom it’s good for business, and it is, but it’s also a good cover for wanting to stay in Regina’s life.

Regina doesn't contact her the first month after she relocates to New York. And Emma tells herself that she’s okay with that—that she’s fine with just knowing that Regina’s okay, and healthy, and happy. Even if she wants more than anything to be close to her again.

The first time Regina lets her back into her life is when her sitter cancels. Regina calls her out of the blue on a Wednesday afternoon. For a while, Emma had thought that Regina had purposely lost her number. She’s babysitting him while Regina does whatever she does for a living. Emma doesn’t know what kind of job you can hold when you’re presumed dead but judging from her and Henry’s apartment it’s pretty good. Henry Mills Jr. is the exact kind of kid that she’d imagined Regina raising; not that she thought about Regina having kids a lot. He’s smart and polite, but still sassy as all get out. Emma thinks that he acts how Regina probably would have acted if she hadn’t had Cora for a mother.

It’s hard to rebuild a relationship that was completely destroyed for over a decade, but they’re working on it. They start small, and try and work their way back to who they were before. Neither of them are fully convinced that it can be done, but they try anyway because it’s worth it.

Henry becomes attached to her rather quickly. She thinks it was inevitable, she’s babysitting him two to three days every week. Regina’s still a workaholic after all these years. Emma likes the kid, so she doesn’t mind at all. After Regina gets home they’ll curl up on the couch together, drink something strong, then fall asleep.

She’s been in New York for well over a year when Regina asks her if she’d consider moving in with her and Henry. Regina avoids eye-contact with her when she says it, she’s nervous. Emma says yes immediately. She pulls Regina in for a kiss.

They were never officially together in high school, they couldn’t afford to be. Now she supposes that it doesn’t matter as much. They love each other and that’s enough.

When Henry calls her Ma for the first time and Emma just melts. She doesn’t even think that it’s intentional but she still melts all the same.

“Ma! We’re going to be late if you don’t hurry up! Mom will eat dinner without us!” He’s bouncing up and down at the thought. Then Henry grabs her hand roughly and pulls her towards the nearest subway stop. Regina would never eat dinner without them. The train is on time and they’re not late for dinner. She starts crying when she recounts the story to Regina later, then Regina starts crying and they're both a mess for dinner.

She slips into bed beside Regina, who makes some noise of protest about her smell, but curls into her all the same. The next morning Henry bounds into their room, begging them to take him to the new dinosaur exhibit that just opened. After rubbing the sleep from their eyes and making breakfast they relent and take their son to the museum. Emma doesn’t really like museums all that much, but she and Regina hold hands the whole time and Henry loves it.

The day is perfect and it doesn’t disappear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


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